Feeling lost

So they have cut my shifts at my disability job where I work as a carer. I feel a bit lost, kind of like graduating from a university degree and wondering where next?

rainbow-984354_960_720But in a way I’m not too fussed, I feel like I’ve learnt what I need from the job. And to tell you the truth I feel rather worn out.

I know I should worry about money. It’s not going to come from the trees, but its nice not to stress about office politics. Its funny working with the clients does not stress me out. But working with my co-workers does. There is a bit of in-house bullying going on and being in that environment makes me very unhappy. There was a stage where I was being bullied and I went home crying.

Sometimes I feel happy working there but often I’m dragging my feet. If I look inside myself, I don’t think I’m living my potential. I’ve achieved a lot in that role but my heart is just not into it.

It was nice having a safety net. But I think before I even look at getting another job. It is time to really work on what makes me happy.

With all the roles I’ve been in, and there has been many! What I really thrive in is communication. I’ve been in the tourism industry for over 10 years and there have been some highs and lows but I absolutely love working with a variety of people. I really enjoy learning about different cultures and by interacting with such a massive crowd; I get a little perspective into different worlds.

But I think in all honesty it is Celebrate Living History that makes me the happiest. Its not a paid role but its one I have created, I really love working with the students. I enjoy helping them create wonderful stories on seniors, but most of all thrive seeing them build a relationship with someone that they otherwise would not get to know.

I am very proud of the direction Celebrate Living History has taken. In the past I’ve been told CLH is not viable. But truthfully I don’t care, it is a way that I can use my passion and make it into something truly wonderful.

I’ve worked on business models and tried to make CLH into a business but my heart has to be in it. My heart has to be excited and it just wasn’t. No matter how many mentors I have. I have to be the one to execute a viable future.

So many models from charging for stories to advertising, just looking at my notes give me a headache.

I’ve also gone down the grants route, I’m always so close but CLH is never the one they decide to fund.

But despite the challenges I’ve faced, I’m still in love with CLH and I always will be. You know its my five year anniversary with CLH this year, I’m scared that time flies too fast.

There is a sense of urgency to make it! To become someone of substance, to be that person that represents something. To be that person that excites people to care.

I’m at the point where I need to stop; just listen to myself, to discover what really makes me tick.

I feel like I’ve lost my mojo, the thing that gets me excited.

So I’m taking this time to have a break, a time out just to escape for a bit. Once I come back, I hope my mind will become clear.

I’m going to have a mini-adventure to evoke my mind, a bit of change to spark my passion and direction.

Don’t worry I’m not giving up; I just need a little perspective from life.



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